The Most Romantic Gift Ever

In just a few days, Jerry and I will celebrate our 31st wedding anniversary. Yay!! I'd like to say that I've been giving a lot of thought as to what to get Jerry as a gift. In all honesty, I've been thinking more about what I want him to get me. Like most women, I want the perfect anniversary gift. I want romance.

I don't need or want anything fancy. I don't need or want anything expensive or extravagant. I don't need or want some showy gesture or public display of affection. I don't need or want some well-orchestrated surprise. But I do want romance.

I can hear you all now, "Cheryl, you sure are making it hard for Jerry to be romantic by excluding all of the above things." No, I'm not. Really I'm not. What I am doing is changing my definition of romance and it all started with Mrs. Dorcas Smucker.

She is a wonderful Christian woman of Mennonite faith. She is a pastor's wife, mother of 6, author, and lives in Harrisburg, Oregon. A few weeks ago, Mrs. Smucker came to my church and spoke at our ladies tea. Her topic was about influence-those who influence us and those we influence. It was full of wisdom, scripture, and humor. I have no doubt that every woman at the tea walked away feeling blessed and influenced by her words. I know I did. But it had nothing to do with anything she said during her talk. Her influence on my life came about an hour later. Most everyone was gone, clean up was just about finished, and Mrs. Smucker packed up the books she had brought to sell. Janie and I were helping her take the book boxes out to her car when I noticed and made mention of the cool little cart she was using to tote the boxes around. Her husband gave it to her last year as a Christmas gift. And that's when it struck me. That cart-that little, plain, beige, utilitarian cart-was a romantic gift. Here's why: she loved it, used it, and appreciated having it. That cart met a specific need in her life. That cart was proof that her husband thought about her needs, which meant he was paying attention to what was going on in her life. He then took the thoughtful time and action to meet her need. With that cart-that little, plain, beige, utilitarian cart, Mr. Smucker was making a romantic gesture of love and thoughtfulness in a very real way.

Before you think that Mrs. Smucker and I had some deep, meaningful, hour long, heart-to-heart discussion about romance and marriage, let me give you the gist of our exchange:

Me: Wow, that's a cool little cart. What a great idea.
Mrs. Smucker: Thank you. My husband Paul gave it to me last year for Christmas. It's been such a blessing and huge help when I come to events like this tea.
Me: I want something like that. That is an awesome gift.

That's it, end of discussion. We hugged, expressed our mutual appreciation for a fun afternoon, and she left. Yet, here I am, a few weeks later pondering that small, seemingly insignificant but hugely influential conversation on my heart and life. It wasn't her words that spoke to my heart, it was her attitude. Mrs. Smucker's response to that cart-that little, plain, beige, utilitarian cart-was genuine. The joy in her eyes and the smile on her face spoke volumes about her appreciation regarding her husband's thoughtful gift-his gift of romance.

You know the old saying, "it's the thought that counts" and how it is used to justify the less than perfect gift by the less than grateful and often disappointed recipient. Been there, done that. But when it comes to romance, real biblical romance, it is the thought that counts. Real romance lies in the thought process, thinking about the one you love and living out that love in everyday ways.

In my conversation with Mrs. Smucker, the remark, "I want something like that"  was initially about the cart. I have learned since, when it comes to romance, I do have something like that. In Scripture, 1 Peter 3:7 says, "Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel," (ESV). In the KJV it says, "dwell with them according to knowledge." True understanding and knowledge of another person takes thought. It is a process of watching, listening, and caring about what is going on in their life. Scripture also gives to husbands the command of love and the principle that it is to be selfless and sacrificial, beneficial and honoring to the wife (Ephesian 5:25-33).

Jerry lives these principles and commands out every day. He knows me very well, sometimes better than I know myself (which can be annoying but that is for another time and blog). He pays attention to what's going on in my life, in my work, in my ministry. He was supportive beyond belief when I went back to school. He made sure I had a quiet place to study and a computer with the right software. When I graduated, Jerry was by my side, making sure every part of that trip was perfect, and it was. Not because it was a fancy or expensive trip. It was neither. In fact, we stayed in the college dorm rooms and ate meals in their cafeteria. What made that trip perfect was Jerry's genuine joy and pride in my accomplishment. I remember seeing him at one point during the ceremony running ahead of the procession of graduates so he could find the perfect spot to get a picture. A few minutes later I saw him on the first level of the stadium jumping up and down to get my attention. Another picture. He understood how important this was to me so it was just as important to him. His knowledge of me caused him to set aside his own needs to meet mine. That is 1 Peter 3 and Ephesians 5 in action; real thoughtfulness, real love, real romance.

I've only given one small example of the real romance Jerry has shown. But there are others: like the many times he made sure my car was filled with gas, or times when I found an extra $5 in my purse for coffee, or finding my skirt ironed on a late-running Sunday morning, or the too many to count times when I come home from FBI class and find popcorn waiting. As I look back over our 31 years together, I realize that Jerry got the whole romance thing right more often than I did. I am so blessed and so grateful. So what do I want for an anniversary gift this year? I want another 3+ decades of the real romance that Jerry has always given me. As far as that cart-that little, plain, beige, utilitarian cart-I'll take that too...or a trunk organizer. Either way, I've already got the the most romantic gift ever....a thoughtful husband!